"No Way Without India!" — A shocking confession from political playboy Touhid Hossain! Why does he want to turn bootlicking into an art? And what’s the mystery behind his New Market tie? Read more!
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Godi Media In, Special Correspondent
"I am not an agent of RAW. India did not send me. There is no alternative to India, that’s why I suggested maintaining good relations with them," declared Touhid Hossain, the current foreign affairs advisor, the greatest tie-wearing diplomat of all time, the playboy of politics, and the bespectacled idol of the Touhidi masses.
Recently, Touhid found himself in hot water after discreetly proposing to rekindle ties with India. While people all around are exclaiming "Shame! Shame!" he remains unfazed.
In a statement, the political playboy remarked,
"Not everyone understands foreign policy. It’s not your girlfriend that you can handle however you please. India is a friend of humanity. We want to deepen Bangladesh-India relations once again. Look, India surrounds us from all sides. There’s no way out. If you want to survive in politics here, you must lick India’s boots. That’s precisely why I refuse to discard India."
Encouraging everyone to be pro-India, the political guru advised,
"There’s still time. If you wish to have a political career in Bangladesh, start learning Hindi now. Become India-friendly. Buy more Indian products. Sing ‘Jana Gana Mana Adhinayaka Jaya He’ as often as possible. Start consuming cow urine. The more India, the brighter your future. What does India not give us? They provide rice, lentils, wheat, potatoes, onions, electricity, and occasionally even women. When in crisis, they even offer flats to stay in. The more you worship India, the more benefits you reap. There’s no alternative to bootlicking. Deep inside, we are all little Indias."
Issuing a warning to everyone, he added,
"There’s still time. Get in line."
Defending his stance, the legendary tie-wearing diplomat proclaimed,
"We must lick India. There’s no way out. I want to lick from head to toe. I want to elevate licking to an art form so that when people hear the word ‘licking,’ they remember me. Licking is my passion."
During his statement, this esteemed foreign policy advisor touched his tie at least 120 times.
Pointing at his tie, the playboy Touhid smirked,
"Does it look expensive? Ha ha ha! Wrong! Got it from New Market. Not costly at all. Suit cost 300, tie was 150. So, did I win or lose?"
Grinning in triumph, the idol of the Touhidi masses boasted,
"In all my years of shopping at New Market, no vendor has ever managed to scam me. Those vendors only cheat clueless fools. Not everyone is as sharp as me. Sometimes, I marvel at my own intelligence—how do I manage everything and still return victorious from New Market? Truly, I’m a genius! No one can buy a suit and tie at this price like me. Open challenge."
Dismissing claims of being an idol for the Touhidi masses, this blazing fireball of intellect declared,
"I don’t know any of these Touhidi people. Some schemers are spreading rumors just because our names match."
And as tears streamed down his face, Touhid sobbed,
"Badanam hokar bhi hum muskurate rahe,
Teri mehfil mein deewane kehlate rahe.
Zamana ne har daag ka ilzaam diya,
Par hum tere ishq mein sar jhukate rahe."